Espero sin Esperanza

Espero pero sin esperanza. When I told Mauricio the title, I had to add an immediate disclaimer. Was that for myself, or for him? Of course, sin esperanza...where to wait becomes to hope. A cloud--white against blue, ruffled edges, they mill about, constantly changing. Imagined beings, at least from below: a figure on horseback, a dragon, a knowing cat. Nicola, yesterday morning, for example--I lean down, put my face close to hers, at the very end of the bed. A meow of acknowledgment--and disregard. She jumps to the floor, and with four quick steps to the bedroom door, pauses for a long long stretch...then disappears suddenly down the stairs...